Bye Bye Haley

March 16, 2011 by · 11 Comments
Filed under: General Chat, Humour, Product Reviews 

Haley has vanished *unhappy face emoticon*

Shortly after the poop hit the fan, Haley decided she’d sold enough copies of Stripped Down Profits, and she pulled it from the market.

Quite upsetting really, think of all those poor souls who will miss out on that amazing 1 click software that will make them up to $237,729 per month, they are the people I feel sorry for, they are going to have to resort to, god forbid, doing some work.

I wonder if Haley really did decide to pull the product off the market because she sold out, or if there was some other reason. Normally someones word would be enough, but after getting my heart broken by Haley Milano I’m still not sure of her.

So I’ll bring up the sales page from the Bing.com cache and try to order via the order link, which I just happen to have here:

http://strippeddownprofits.com/dlg/sell.php?prodData=cb,1

*sigh*

She broke my heart for a 2nd time, when will I ever learn:

“IMPORTANT!

This product is no longer for sale or has been disabled due to a terms of service violation This product is no longer for sale or has been disabled due to a terms of service violation”

Maybe Clickbank actually got a conscience and realized that selling a product using nothing but lies might be, I don’t know, a little bit illegal?

Or maybe Haley got Clickbank to close the account on her behalf.

Make your own minds up.

And before I move on from Miss Milano, here is something to remember her by.

Was The Sales Page Really That Bad?

Yes, it was.

If any of you are glutens for punishment, you can view a full copy of the controversial sales page by clicking on the image below.

Love Always,
Dan “Still on the Market” Thompson

Stripped Down Profits Review

March 10, 2011 by · 79 Comments
Filed under: General Chat, Humour, Product Reviews 

This is not a review of Stripped Down Profits – this is me giving you my opinion on the sales page. I haven’t seen or used the product they are selling, but if the sales page is anything to go by, stay well clear of it.

Start of meaningful words.

Sometimes in life all you need is a break.

A chance encounter with a stranger could change your life forever.

You could be working in a strip club, and a client comes along, gives you money, and you show him boobies (.) (.) roflcoptorpmslw00tetc

But this client isn’t any client, he just happens to be a top secret internet marketing guru ninja.

You ply this unnamed ninja guru with more booze, drugs and boobies than his mind can handle, and you then threaten to show his wife and kids the implicating video of said debauchery if the guru ninja doesn’t show you how to make a billion dollars on the internet.

As I said, sometimes all you need in life is a break.

And well done to the delightful Haley Milano for seizing her break with both hands.

Not only did she blackmail (yeah…she went there) a successful guru into giving her all his secrets, she then used those secrets to become an overnight Clickbank millionaire at the touch of a button.

But that’s not all, this girl just can’t stop giving….sorry, bad turn of phrase.

She’s decided that “Doing nothing but figuring out how to spend your money and avoid paying taxes” sucks….sorry, cheap joke, that’ll be the last of them, so she’s selling the “1 touch money making software” that she’s using to crank out millions of dollars on auto-pilot.

And get this, she’s selling it for just $47, what a gal, I wonder if she’d marry me.

Hmmm, but wait a minute, I’m having pre-wedding jitters.

After commission and Clickbank fees, Hayley will only be getting around $20 per sale, and imagine the amount of support she’ll have to do.

Why would she want to make $20 per sale selling her 1 touch millionaire making software, when she could carry on using the software herself to churn out the wonga.

Maybe my jitters are right, I need to do more research before asking her to become Mrs Thompson.

So I’ll start with the sales page.

And before I go on, full credit to everyone in this forum thread who has done some digging on the product, I don’t deserve full credit (if any) for the detective work below.

The first thing that catches my eye is that Haley used to work in Spearmint Rhino’s before getting her break, that doesn’t bother me at all, I would have no issues marrying a stripper. Moving on.

I prefer Stringfellows

I can see that she also likes pancakes, I like pancakes too, maybe she is “the one”.

Hmmmm, but then she says that her personal chef cooks them for her every morning. That sounds a little bit lazy to me, but we all have our flaws. I can live with her being a little bit on the lazy side.

Do you want a Haley Milano pancake?

As I scroll further down the page, I see that Hayley Milano (google approves of my misspelling) has posted a picture of some gurus enjoying a few drinks in what I assume must be some sort of private party.

Turns out these aren't actually gurus

If I right click on the image and look at the file name, it looks to be a picture of a bachelor party in Atlantic city. Apparently there isn’t a Spearmint Rhino club in Atlantic city, Haley must have got that picture off a friend or something.

Or maybe she’s just using a stock photo to represent what a group of Gurus sipping a few drinks MIGHT look like.

Because if you do a search for “Bachelor party atlantic city” on Google images, the very same picture comes up, and can be found on the following site:

http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/new-jersey/atlantic-city/bachelor-party-atlantic-city

They must’ve nicked that picture off Haley’s page, the swines.

Never mind, I can understand Haley using a stock photo to represent what gurus drinking MIGHT look like, it makes sense, I might even start looking for honeymoon destinations….

I’m getting excited now, carrying on down the page I can see this:

Haley milano fake house?

SHE BOUGHT HER PARENTS A HOUSE!!!

She is the girl of my dreams, if she got her parents a house just because they produced her, what will she buy the love of her life….I want a plane and a dolphin please Haley Milano of Stripped Down Profits. (in that order)

Just out of interest, I think I’ll right click on the image of her parents house, then do a search for the filename on Google images…

Hmmm, that’s strange, Haley’s parents house looks exactly like this one:

http://www.arcadiahomesinc.net/2_story_Colonial_Farm_House_1.htm

I live in a house, a very fake house in the countrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry

Maybe there’s an innocent explanation for this, maybe instead of taking an actual picture of the house, she decided to use one off a website to represent the house. Yeah….that makes sense, I wonder what sort of ring she’ll like, probably something big and tasteless.

WOW, not only did she buy her parents a house, she then retired at 29 and bought herself what looks like a god awful apartment, and she then created her own range of designer handbags.

Stripped Down Profits Fake Sales Page

Again, just out of interest I’ll do an image search for the filename of Haleys house…….WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT IS THIS:

Thanks for breaking my heart Haley Milano

Out of the first 18 search results for “29399440.JPG”, 15 of them are Haleys house. How strange is that.

A little bit more reading leads me to this page:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/09/realestate/09deal1.html?_r=1

Haley Milano lives in an apartment that cost $25m – the most expensive home EVER in the history of Brooklyn??

Hmmmm, that smells just a bit fishy to me, she lives in a $25m home, but is wasting her time selling software for $20 on clickbank?

My Conclusion: I’m not going to ask Haley Milano to marry me, I feel I can do better

My Other Conclusion

Anyone with an ounce of sense can see the sales page is 100% fiction – the story is fake, Haley Milano is fake, the images are fake, so how did it get past Clickbank and why are people promoting it?

I haven’t sold a product of my own on Clickbank for years, but when I did the approval process was a nightmare, if the wording of the page was even a little bit iffy, they’d make you change it. So how can a product like this get past the review team, and didn’t the American Government bring in some kind of legislation to stop these kind of sites?

When did copywriting amount to lying?

Update 16th March 2011

The sales page has since been taken down, but don’t worry, you can view a copy of the full “sales page” here:

https://elpassoblog.com/bye-bye-haley/

(Link to the full sales page at the bottom of the post)

P.S. Anyone wanting to get this “review” to the top of Google, I’d appreciate if you’d link back with the anchor text “Stripped Down Profits Review”, lets see if we can’t do a bit of fake sales page exposing for the greater good. It’ll be good karma and stuff.

2010: Dating, d*cks, and Meat Loaf

December 31, 2010 by · 28 Comments
Filed under: General Chat, Humour 

If you rearrange the words in the title, it will make up a sensible title for the post, it’s a little Christmas game, I hope you enjoy it. I actually had a different title, but I’ve been informed it was quite offensive, so I’m playing it safe.

I thought I’d be normal and write a quick year in review, it seems to be the “in thing” right now, must be the time of year or something.

But I’ll make mine a bit different, it will contain minimal marketing stuff, mainly because I’ve not done any! I will however include some D9 Hosting stuff in there, so anyone looking for anything semi-serious to read wont be totally disapointed with the content.

**START WARNING**

This blog post contains mild references to genitalia, if you are offended by this, please don’t read any further.

**END WARNING**

The year started with January, but it must have been an uneventful month because I’m having serious trouble remembering it. I should point out at this point that I’m useless with dates (date dates, not date dates, more on that later), so if I say something happened in March, don’t take that as gospel, it probably happened in August.

February and March were the same as January.

This blog post is starting to sound like a bad idea.

Instead of doing things by the month, I’ll just think back to a few memorable things and talk about them, they may or may not be in chronological order.

Online Dating

One of the most amusing things that happened to me in 2010 was a foray into the world of online dating with a couple of friends, it’s led to many amusing stories being shared between us, none of which will ever be discussed on this blog.

To sum it up, I’d say a lot of the stereotypes are correct, there are A LOT of really crazy people on there, but some really nice people as well, a bit like life in general really.

So if you live in a village where the number of girls/boys aged between 18 – 26 (insert your own age range there) is less than 5, or if you just fancy meeting a few new people, I’d recommend giving it a go, if nothing else some of the profiles will make you laugh.

My favourite was the bluntness of this one:

“I’ve joined *name of dating site* because I’ve just found out I’m pregnant”

Meat Loaf & Malfunctioning Penises

This happened in December, I’m 100% sure of this because it was only 3 weeks ago.

As a birthday present for my Dad, I bought 4 tickets to go and see Meat Loaf at the Manchester Evening News arena. My Dad’s a bit of a fan, but so am I, so I killed 2 birds with one stone.

I managed to get good tickets, we were in the tiered seating right next to the stage, and around 7 rows back.

During one of the songs (Paradise by The Dashboard Light), Meat Loaf and his sexy (in an older woman kind of way) female singer stopped half way through, and proceeded to bring out 2 big mechanical penises that fired t-shirts into the crowd. As we were near the front, I thought the chances of us having a t-shirt fired at us were quite high.

After a couple of shirts had been fired, the female singer (Patti Russo) turned around and pointed her penis at us. She pressed the fire button, and the penis malfunctioned, she proceeded to take the shirt out of the penis and threw it to someone in the front row, I was disappointed.

It was a very good gig though, and it contained a few more stories that will never be told on this blog, but if you are into that kind of music and he’s in your area, go see him!

I’ll include a couple of Youtube clips for your viewing pleasure, be warned that they contain a little bit of naughty language, if you want to skip most of it, jump to 1m 60s on the 1st video.

Bobby Farrell & The Thompson Curse

Bobby Farrell was the male singer in the 70’s Disco group Boney M, he sadly passed away yesterday from currently unknown causes.

This on it’s own wasn’t enough to warrant a mention in this blog post, but read on, the plot was like the custard my mum put in this years xmas trifle, it thickens.

Here are a list of gigs that either me, or a member of my family have bought tickets to in the recent past:

  • Meat Loaf, 2008
  • Tina Turner, 2009
  • Elton John, 2009
  • Michael Jackson, 2009
  • Meat Loaf, 2010
  • Boney M, 2011

Out of all the above, the following went as planned:

  • Tina Turner, 2009
  • Meat Loaf, 2010

And the rest:

  • Meat Loaf, 2008 – Cancelled, cyst on vocal cords
  • Elton John, 2009 – Cancelled, bad illness
  • Michael Jackson, 2009 – Cancelled, death
  • Boney M, 2011 – Likely to be Cancelled, death

I also have tickets to see Peter Kay in October 2011, so I’d be very nervous if I were him.

D9 Hosting

Yay, a semi serious story from 2010 that doesn’t relate to music!

D9 Hosting has been going well throughout 2010, it’s gone from being a hobby to a full time job. So much so that we took the decision to get some staff in back in the first half of the new year, which allows us to offer true 24/7 technical support.

The first few weeks were obviously a little difficult whilst we got everyone trained up, but we have a good set of customers who were very understanding, and now that the staff are trained up, I’m sure any customers will agree that any technical issues are dealt with in a timely and efficient manner.

2010 was really a year of stabilization for us, we wanted to build solid foundations from which we could move the business forward in the coming years, and I think we’ve gone a long way to achieving that. There are still a few little things that could do with some tweaking, but all in all it’s been a very good year.

With a bit of luck we’ll be ready to go on a full on marketing spree in 2011 and take the number of sites we host past 20,000.

Other “D9 Stuff” to happen in 2010 included the launch of our official Facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/D9-Hosting/20700629688

We should probably launch our own Twitter account as well, but….I have an intense dislike of Twitter :-0

I Went to Leicester

In November I drove down to a service station in Leicester to pick up a new car, can you tell I’m running out of things to write about?

I Tore my Groin

As you may (or may not) know, I’m a keen football player.

Back on August 15th I tore my groin. It’s now December 31st and I’ve only managed to play 2 games since, I think my football career may be coming to a cross roads.

Christmas

We had a Christmas in 2010, it was around 1 week ago.

Unfortunately my 88 year old Nan got rushed into hospital the day before Christmas eve, we were all prepared for the worst but thankfully after 5 days in Hospital she’s back home and back to her normal talkative whiskey drinking self. But I did spend most of Christmas going to and from the hospital.

That’s a pic of me and her from this past year:

I'm the one on the left

And I know what you are thinking, why on earth is Dan wearing a suit? Well I had to, it was a wedding.

But whilst we were at the hospital, it dawned on me where I get my warped sense of humor from – it’s from my Nan! A couple of quotes from the hospital include:

“You know we were going to have a big party for my 90th birthday, I think we should probably bring it forward a year just to be on the safe side”

“I’m like the Angel of Death, that old dear (looking at the person in the next bed) was fine when they brought her in 2 hours ago, and now her feet are blue and she’s unresponsive”

New Year

Who knows what the new year will bring, I suppose we’ll find out in 12 hours and 5 minutes time.

So a very, very belated Merry Christmas and a very, very Happy New Year to you and your family. I’ll be back in 2011, with (maybe) a more serious and relevant blog post.

Toodle,
Dan

Money Saving Tip: Home Study Courses

September 14, 2009 by · 7 Comments
Filed under: General Chat, Humour 

Not really a “proper” blog post today, but I couldn’t resist posting a picture of my latest creation. I personally feel it’s a great way to save money on a camera tripod and to get some more use out of those expensive home study courses we all buy!

Allow me to introduce you to my highly professional “Home Study Camera Tripod” 🙂

The square tripod

The Last Post Of 2008

December 23, 2008 by · 27 Comments
Filed under: General Chat, How To Guides, Humour 

It’s the 23rd of December, and relatives have started to appear at random unannounced intervals, some come bearing gifts, others do not. It can only mean one thing – it’s Christmas!

It’s the annual event that allows me to break away for the computer (for a couple of hours at a time anyway!)  and argue with family members:

Dan: “I’m watching TV, play on the xbox later”

Dan’s Brother: “Shut up, you always get to watch TV”

Dan: “Move the xbox into your bedroom”

Dan’s Brother: “Know you are said you are but what am I”

Dan: “What?”

Dan’s Brother: “Know you are said you are but what am I”

And repeat for 7 days.

Despite the constant arguing I do tend to use Christmas as a bit of a break, I do answer emails and support requests, but I won’t be doing any blog or website updates until after the 1st January 2009, so this is going to be the last post of 2008!

As I feel it’s been a good year content wise for this blog, I’m going to show you a blog post that is almost a year old and that will be very useful for you at this time of year.

The post shows you how to automatically update your Copyright notices so they show the correct  Year. Check it out here:

An Easy Way To Change Website Copyright Dates

That’s all I have for today, all that’s left is for me to thank every single one of you that’s read the blog, or purchased any of my products in the past year, have a very Happy Holiday season and I’ll be back to inform/entertain/bore/annoy you in 2009!

Have a good one!
Dan

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