A New Illness – Anal Glaucoma

Posted In: Humour 

A friend emailed me the following joke yesterday, it made me laugh so much that I thought I would share it with you…as it’s almost christmas 😉

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. “What’s the matter?” he asks.

“I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice.

“What the hell is anal glaucoma?”

“I can’t see my ass coming into work today.”

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5 Responses to “A New Illness – Anal Glaucoma”
  1. Hi Dan

    very amusing, hope to see some more jokes and humour in your blogs to brighten up a wet and windy day

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  2. Randy Smith says:

    LOL — I actually had that sent to me by Pat Graham,

    I think She was feeling sorry for me when I had last weekend off due to “Winter Vomit” or winter sickness – or whatever they want to call the horrible 48 hour bug that seems to be going round!

    It came with a lovely picture of a bug looking none too well…. hehe

    I’ve printed it and kept it to use as my sick note next time I want to take a day away from my pc…lol


  3. John Collins says:

    Hi Dan –

    Thanks! I have glaucoma and have a special appreciation for this joke. This is the only one I’ve come across with glaucoma in it. This was the first time I laughed today.

    Thanks again I needed that – John

  4. Marc says:

    Thank you first laugh of the day! good joke, I wen to the doctors and showed it to him an he had a good laugh to. thank you again. Mark

  5. Donald says:

    Hi Dan,

    Nice one. Need to keep the humour page updated so here are a couple for you and your subscribers.

    Why …..do Tesco’s make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Why …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

    Why ….do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

    Why ……do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

    Why . …….do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering..


    Why the sun lightens our hair,
    but darkens our skin ?

    Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

    Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

    Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

    Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?

    Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

    You know that indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

    Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

    Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

    Why? Good question.


    Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
    husband that my breasts are too small.. Instead of characteristically
    telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

    If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
    paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.’
    Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
    front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. ‘How long will
    this take?’ I asked.

    They will grow larger over a period of years,’ my husband replies. I
    stopped. ‘Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
    my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?’ Without
    missing a beat he says, ‘Worked for your ass, didn’t it?’

    He’s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
    again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

    Stupid, stupid man.